The Value of Friendship

“In proportion as our inward life fails, we go more constantly and desperately to the post-office. You may depend on it, that the poor fellow who walks away with the greatest number of letters, proud of his extensive correspondence, has not heard from himself this long while.” – Henry David Thoreau


I think what Mr. Thoreau was writing about here is pretty relevant. There are two messages that immediately struck me: (1) life is not a popularity contest and (2) you cannot solve all your problems by looking externally.

(1) Having a lot of friends can be a wonderful thing, but it should not be a social goal in itself. Quantity should never make up for quality. It is essential that we are able to connect with people at a deeper level. We need to disclose our passions, thoughts, hopes, and fears. Without the outlet of a close friend (or other loved one), we are simply left to dwell on our anxious thoughts, or celebrate accomplishments with ourselves.

Think about your closest friends for a minute. The odds are that they know a good deal about your history, motivations, pre-occupations, and philosophies. Now imagine you just accomplished a longstanding goal. Maybe you just got the phone call indicating you successfully landed your dream job. What is the first thing you do? Do you find a random person on the street and tell them the great news? Do you make sure you call Jill, Bob, Steve, Sue, and John, etc. who are always part of the happy hour crew, but you don’t know at any significant level? If you are as lucky enough to have parents like mine, you call Mom and Dad. But, likely the very next thing you do is call your best friend. Because that friend probably knows everything that built up to this moment, they have taken the journey with you. They can truly share in your joy, because they are right there with you the whole way. They understand the foundation of the pyramid, so they can really appreciate the pinnacle. Now imagine that you can hear the smile in their voice. It probably broadens your smile that much more.

These are the kind of relationships that I value and strive for. I would rather have just one relationship at this level than two hundred-fifty “surface friends.” Sure, such a large number can boost the ego, and bandage up any self-confidence issues, but it will not satisfy the deeper need. This is not to say that you can’t have dozens of excellent, close friendships, but at some point time restraints set in, and quality suffers.


(2) If we are having inner struggles, whether they are physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual, reaching out to friends can only take us so far. They do know what makes us tick and can provide an objective opinion, but if the problem is internal, we should probably look inside ourselves and duke it out a little bit. Maybe we can write in a journal, play music, exercise, pray, meditate, whatever gets us to a focused state of mind.

With everything that draws our attention, from school, traffic, work, instant messaging, and our iPod, it is easy to find a cluttered mess in hour heads at the end of the day. If we find the right activity or medium through which to clean that mess, we can put things back in order. It is only at this point that we can hope to solve or cope with the inner struggles. It could be the mess itself was causing the problem. In such a circumstance, that Yoga session will have you back dancing away with your iPod while messaging on Myspace in no time!

A Mirrored Image

“Why should we not meet, not always as dyspeptics, to tell our bad dreams, but sometimes as eupeptics; to congratulate each other on the ever glorious morning? I do not make an exorbitant demand, surely.” - ‘Life Without Principle’ by Henry David Thoreau

Dyspeptic – Of or displaying a morose disposition.

Eupeptic – Cheerful; happy.


I have had a request to produce a more upbeat, light-hearted post. I hope this does not disappoint.

It is interesting to me that Thoreau, the critical author that he was, made such a positive statement. In fact, it was made at the end of the essay, and I found it to have a lasting effect. Throughout the piece, the reader travels through the investigation of his or her own life’s purpose, meaning, and drive. The reader comes to question whether they are putting their energy in the right places. They come to question whether they are living with Principle. It seems to me that the above quote is the measuring stick by which we determine the answer to those questions.

When we wake up in the morning, how do we feel? Is it a glorious morning, or is it a just another day in the rat race? Maybe if we were living as we were meant to we could always claim that the day was beautiful, and life was grand? Maybe it is the rat race that has us down? If we could just get out of that race, we would be basking in the magnificent morning rays!

However, I propose that it is not our circumstances that drive our emotions. Sure, if we had that dream job, perfect family, strong faith, optimal health, and security it might be easier to smile at 5:30 a.m., but that perfect situation is certainly not necessary for happiness.

As cliché as it is to say, attitude will take us there. There is a lyric from Relient K in a song called "High of ‘75" that puts it eloquently, “Its funny how you find you enjoy your life when you’re happy to be alive.” So simply appreciating life for what it is and for the blessings around us puts a nice little spin on things. When we have this view, everything else is literally icing on the cake.

If we investigate further, it gets even better. Take music for example. What would life be like without it? I cannot even picture it, but I think it would be a bit boring. Strike that. It would be like black and white television, or worse. But thankfully, we don’t have to dwell on that. We have music in all its many forms, tones, motivations, and volumes to add to the beautiful colors of life.

If we are truly blessed, we have people around us that we can take joy in as well. Think about the times with your family, friends, or significant other when you simply cannot stop smiling or laughing. How awesome are these times? No matter what is going on in the world, these relationships shine on, and produce our most treasured moments.

Thoreau’s quote sends a pretty simple yet powerful message. The affect and reaction to a smiling face or a chipper comment is usually a mirrored image. The attitude is infectious. In fact, I owe a good deal of inspiration for this post to a particular rhyming friend of mine. This individual recently became a eupeptic-to the extreme. He seems to have a new perspective on life, and it resonates through his words, his appearance, and his actions. It definitely has had an effect on me, and I can see it spreading slowly through the people around him.

It is up to us to be that person, to facilitate that attitude, and pass it along to others. Even on a local scale, it comes back to us like two sets of mirrors with the reflection perpetuating back and forth, resulting in a magnification. So it begins now. Let's take advantage of this wonderful opportunity. To quote another lyric—

“I'm not gonna waste this time, this light that burns will keep on fading. I'm not gettin' up off this ride, I'm holding tight, til I can feel alive!" - Mae